Introduction to the Dating Detox Day 4: Momentum-Chose your direction
Our thoughts are super powerful. Powerful enough to create the very reality around us. How? Well, just one thought can pick up enough momentum to create a belief. And a belief with enough momentum creates our perception. And like we talked about in the first lesson, our perception is our reality.
So, say I’m wanting to be in a long-term relationship, but right now I’m single. It could be very easy to focus on the fact that I’m single. That one thought could gain momentum like a runaway train in a direction that’s not pointed toward long-term relationship. For instance the thought train could look like this: “I’m single. I feel so lonely. My ex totally screwed me over. I hate men. I’m not going to that event tonight.”
But what about this thought train, “I’m single. I want to share my experiences with someone. I’ve had love before, I can have love again. Love is actually all around me, right now. I am so excited to attract more love into my life. I’m going out to connect with people right now!”
Which of these thought trains is picking up momentum to establish beliefs of self-worth, confidence, security, groundedness, and expansiveness? Which thought train is creating a reality that actualizes love in my life?
If you think the second one, we’d completely agree. We can think of it as the love train. And the love train always goes in the direction of where you wanna go. So for the person who wants to go towards a long-term relationship – it’ll be really important to be mindful of which train they’re boarding.
So here’s the assignment for this morning. It’s very important to start where you are. If you start anywhere else, you’ll be trying to get on a train that’s not accessible to you. Make a statement of where you’re starting. It might be, “I’m ugly and lonely.” Then you’re going to write short statements that are TRUE and REAL for you that move incrementally towards the love that you’re wanting. We say incrementally because if you’re starting from “I’m ugly and lonely,” it will be too much of a leap to then say “I am HOT and so excited to attract more love into my life!”
Writing Activity. [allow 5-10 minutes]
Grab a piece of paper. At the top of it, write a thought of where you are starting. Then at the bottom of the page write a thought of where you want to be. Now jump on the love train and start writing thoughts that go towards your ideal thought destination.
To do this, think about: What's a thought that incrementally feels better than the one at the top? Allow your writing to be more like a rambling. Just like how your inner critic can ramble on and on about unhelpful things, this practice will be about rambling on and on but about things that feel better and better!
Here's an example:
Once you have completely filled the space between where you’re starting to Love, re-read it. Make any changes to it that feel better to you. Take your time, breathe and feel while reciting the words to yourself. Imagine your cells integrating these thoughts, repeat them and feel them so they can become beliefs, and know that you are making Love into an instant reality by doing so. If you want to test it, go outside and pay attention to the way you see people and how they see you. Feel any different than usual?
Please print this out for your reference today [it’s at the bottom]…
When interacting with someone today, see if you can become aware of which train the conversation jumps on. If you notice the conversation on the love train, go with it!
Notice how it feels in your body. Notice how the energy between you feels.
If you notice the conversation on the runaway train, see if you can make a statement the slows the momentum. If you can’t or don’t want to, just notice that. We’re definitely not saying that you have to always be perfectly on the love train in your conversations and thoughts in order to attract love. However, you can speak about ANYTHING, even if it’s “negative” or critical, in a way that is mindful and in the direction of love. If you try doing this with someone you’ve known for a while with whom you speak in gossipy, pessimistic, or judgmental ways – it may be a challenge to slow the momentum. So, no worries if it doesn’t happen the first time. It takes practice shifting the dynamic when there’s more than just you involved.
If you find that you ARE able to slow the momentum, see if the two of you can slow it to the point of jumping over to the love train.
Notice what that shift feels like in your body. Notice your connection with the person. Notice your embodied relationship to the topic you’re discussing.
Typically people feel more aligned, inspired, empowered, and alive when they’re in a conversation that’s on the love train.
A friend once said to me “You are the average of the 5 people with whom you spend most of your time.” So you may want to consider who these people are and make adjustments if needed. It doesn’t mean writing off someone completely – but if you spend a lot of time with Juan who’s also single, who’s always talking about how shitty the dating scene is, and complaining about the latest drama – it might be time to set a new intention for conversation with him. We think it’s also good practice to always keep ourselves flexible, dynamic, and checking in with our friendships in general by asking: “How does this relationship serve our momentum in life?”
It’s OK for a relationship to have served it’s purpose in it’s time. It’s OK to release a friendship of any duration. It’s our belief that all connections are infinite. We like to look at “ending a relationship” as merely evolving it into something else. And that something else may involve simply crossing paths once in a while. It doesn’t make you a bad or selfish person. In our experience – evolving relationships into something else is the biggest gift for both people in it.
So, for today – this might just be something to dog-ear in your mind to which you can return. Until then – simply notice in conversations the train your on, slow the momentum, and jump on the love train if you’re not already!