Do you kinda dread being asked about your relationship status over the holidays? Well, right now is a great time to start coming into a new story about being single before the family and friends descend upon your yuletide glee. These are just a few things you can consider trying out - though, they might piss you off a little too.
1. Owning the choice to be single.
I know that can sound a bit aggressive, but the hope is that you can feel empowered [as opposed to feeling like a victim of being single]. Whenever I'm in a situation that's less than ideal, I think: Me, my spirit, or whatever is choosing this right now. For some unknown reason, this is my path right now. And it’s temporary if I want it to be.
You can simply state to yourself: “I’m choosing to be single for now.”
By making bold statements like this, I've noticed a subsiding of any uncomfortable energy I have about it.
2. What are the gifts of choosing to be single for now?
I like to actually hand write a list of gifts about particular situations and read them aloud to myself. It can be really impactful to pause and try to feel the appreciation of those gifts in my body one by one. I like to take a breath with each one - allowing it to really settle in mind, body, and spirit.
3. Reframe the word "single."
Sometimes I like to put “single” in quotes because though it’s a word that’s just trying to describe a relationship status, it also could be associated with words like: alone, lonely, without, by yourself. To me, feeling alone, lonely, without, or by myself is just my perception. And a pretty skewed perception at that. It’s like I put on my alone-glasses. Then no matter where I go, even if I'm in a group of a bunch of people who love me, I see myself as alone.
I went through a time when I was very anxious, very depressed, and felt very alone. In hindsight I know I have never and will never be alone. It was just my perception.
Today if that though sneaks in again, I just remember: We are one. I am you. You are me. The idea that we’re separate [alone, single, etc.] is an illusion.
It feels like that last statement is basically my personal spiritual outlook at this point. Whether it’s true or not doesn’t really matter – it feels WAY better [and the feeling is what matters most to me these days.]
4. Exude availability.
Though I am in a partnership, I still practice exuding availability. After so many years of being closed off in darker times, I still catch myself not making eye contact, being in my thoughts, looking down. In these moments, I'll remind myself to hold a little smile on my face, become present to other people and making eye contact, opening my posture by lifting my chest and intending an open heart.
The difference of intending availability versus being closed off is like the difference of making a green smoothie with fruit versus without fruit. A simple outing like going to the post office suddenly becomes an experience of sweetness. I'm laughing with another person in line. I'm connecting with the woman behind the desk. I hug someone I know on my way out.
5. Mix it up!
Sometimes when I'm feeling bad about a situation, I tend towards routine. Doing things that are more comfortable is a great idea and can be very helpful. But sometimes the routine could be isolating. Sometimes it could have a momentum that kinda gets dark, and then darker, and then cave-like.
So sometimes it can be really nourishing to to try something new! The key here is to coach yourself into it. I’m not into just throwing myself into situations because I “should” or whatever. I gently talk myself into it by imagining how good it will feel.
Here’s a few ideas: Go a little deeper with a friend or acquaintance – invite them over, make dinner together, do something random like making some holiday cards or whatever! Go do a different version of something you already do – like check out a new yoga studio, a new hike, a new social event, a different grocery store – huge potential to meet new people when the place and time is switcherood.
6. Bonus! Do a Feeling Vision Meditation each morning!
This is perfect whether you already have a mediation practice or not because it's really short and it's super simple. Basically it's taking a few minutes to bask in the feelings you want to feel with a partner. I've found that by practicing feeling what I want to feel after attaining something - it makes it MUCH easier and faster to attain it. It's kinda like how professional athletes will visualize winning and feel it in their bodies before a game.
We used to charge for this meditation, but now it's our gift to you. Click HERE to download your super-charged Feeling Vision Meditation. This is one of the most powerful practices you can do.
Now if you practice each of these steps up until you go home and see all those old relatives or friends who just hafta know: “Soooo....are you still single?” I'm pretty sure your answer is gonna feel like fireworks streaming out of you - and it’ll likely be received that way too.
I also feel like you’re totally allowed to feel sad or however you feel about being single right now as well. But if whatever your feeling isn’t serving you in this moment - these steps are potential options for ya!
As always, lemme know your thoughts!
Kendra + Chris