How do I know if I am investing in the right relationship?


This is a very common question we get asked. The story goes, I am tired of spending my time and effort getting to know someone only for it to not work out and having to start all over again. Can you help me fix this, because I am over it?

Now we could give you some of the typical dating advice answers out there on how to determine if your person is the right one for you, or how to avoid the losers but that’s not what this article is about.

To truly change the feeling of dating being a waste of time or an exercise in pain you need to change your attitude about it. Conscious, Smart, Sexy people listen up.  We invite you to challenge the idea of investing in love as if it is a commodity. Like it’s a business transaction with a guaranteed outcome. If you want to attract your soulmate and grow the relationship so that it's built to last then your beliefs might need a little upgrade.

If you are a conscious awake person and have been on a self growth path then you may have come to a place that knows that we are all co-creators in our own lives. That everything that shows up is a reflection of our own state of being and not some random occurrence sent to test us. If you are not there yet that’s cool, keep reading because a truth bomb is about to drop.

Owning your current relationship status

Before you start to figure out why someone is or is not worth investing in, it’s important to start with your part in the results that have been happening. The first step is your willingness to consider a few mindset shifts that will start to produce different results then the ones you have been seeing or feeling. Feelings of frustration, shame, or hopelessness..

Start by acknowledging the fact that you want a soulmate partnership and you don't currently have one. Own that whatever you are currently doing is not working. That is a big one right out of the gate. Put your hand on your heart and belly. Notice your breathing. Say to yourself I am ready to let go of whatever it is that is blocking my partner from connecting with me. I am open to new information and knowledge about attracting my soulmate. There is nothing wrong with me and I have compassion for my journey.

The journey is the gift not the payment

I heard someone say “ Dating is the means to an end” and it’s to be endured, put up with and gotten through. I’m here to tell you that that’s bullshit. Thinking that the payout for all your hard work, time and effort is the the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is limiting at best and a total c-block at worst. A sure way to get challenges, misery and rejection is to expect it. News flash , there are no prizes for fighting through it. If thoughts create your reality then you may be getting exactly what you are expecting.

To think of dating as an exchange of time + energy, and the return is the relationship of your dreams starts that relationship off on the wrong foot of conditional love. People start to end up being treated as a means to an end for your happiness and a complete set-up for a break-up waiting to happen. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Deeper underlying beliefs may be at work behind the idea of investing in someone, you own sense of value and the control of the results you think you want.

Ask yourself these questions.

Do I believe I am worthy of having a soulmate partner?

Do I expect and trust they will come in good time?

Do I believe I have to earn someone’s love through investing, work, and effort?

When I meet someone new where is my attention mainly focused? On finding things they don’t have or on what they bring to enhance the happiness I already have?

Be the Super Soulmate you seek and they can’t not find you

Once you notice you are aware of a thought pattern you can change it. Can you remember a time as a child where you just felt loved. Loved just as you were and you did not have to do anything to earn it?  The fact is you can't earn anything that is unearnable.  You can't earn it through your effort, investment or hard work. The love you seek is unearnable. It is like the sun shining down on the planet, the water nurturing the earth , the love that is beaming all the time is so big that it is always shining on you.

The love you are wanting is waiting within. You can begin developing the feelings of unconditional love and worthiness by practicing your ability to focus your attention on the appreciation of what you already have in your life and less on what is missing. That is not to say that relationships don’t take work to be sustainable and fulfilling. The point is that love at the deepest level is always there and can be felt no matter the circumstances or conditions, if your intention is to try and notice all the good you already have.

Put the consciousness in your conscious relationship

How do you want to view your potential partners? How do you want to perceive your dating experiences, time shared, and connections made? The opportunity you have is to re-frame the idea of investing from one where you give of yourself body, heart and soul in order to achieve your goal of a partner to a place where your offering is based on sharing the value of the journey itself and the life enhancement in and of itself. Appreciation for all of it becomes paramount and the absolute internal knowing that if you are soulmates will become as obvious as a feeling of knowing you are alive. As you become more attuned to the moment and what you are feeling with yourself, your person and the world then the fears become less. Fears that we only have a finite amount of love to share, that there is only so much to go around and the scarcity mentally that can consume us.

Make a commitment and the decision that you will trust the universe to bring you exactly what you want, all in perfect timing. That you will enjoy each date , each precious moment and the gifts revealed. That your happiness is assured in the focus of your attention to the gratitude you feel. That your perfect partner is on the way and can only show up when you are a match to that energy. That the power of love you desire is based on your willingness to find it within and then….

Now that is a love worth investing in.  

May the Love Be with You


PS: Check out this article from Hey Sigmund which has some awesome advice once you are in a relationship that you want to last. Thank you for the awesome photo as well.

Here are the most common reasons people fall out of love and ways to stop them getting in the way of a happy ending – or any ending at all. Click here