Why Not me?... Your Response to Others’ Dating Success and Finding Love Could be a Reason


Did you hear about Casey and Nancy? They’ve updated their relationship status on facebook and deactivated their Tinder accounts! As your friend starts to elaborate on yet another friend that’s found love, what is the feeling that comes over you? Your response to others getting hitched can be an important indicator of your vibration relative to finding your own match.

Read to the bottom because we’re gonna give you two quick quizzes and a practice that could have you announcing your newfound love to all your friends.

We’ll start by telling you about our client Jim. Jim told us about a month and a half ago that he was “on the market again,” really ready to find love, and wanted our help with matchmaking. The only thing was that he had a month-long trip to France already booked, so he wanted to hold off on the program until he returned. We asked why, and he said that he wouldn’t be able to find a companion in time for the trip since it was only 2 weeks away. We then asked, “Well, what would be the ideal scenario?” to which he responded, “I’d want a companion for some of the trip. Someone who speaks French, around my age, who’d want to pay her own way.” He was also clear that he wanted a soulmate and long term partner.. Of course our first response was,  “Well then why wait? Let’s start now!” Most would say this was a tall order, but we were sure it was do-able.

The question was, was he fully believing that his desire for a travel companion and soulmate was possible? Well, guess what? Within two dates, he found a woman who not only spoke French, she had lots in common and was over-the-moon excited to pay for a week in France. With some clear guidance for energizing his vision and belief - Jim called in his magic!

The trip was awesome, his companion was great but “no real sparks were flying,” he said. The chemistry was more friend than lover; HOWEVER, upon his return the magic continued. He resumed a connection with a woman with whom he had gone on a few dates before the France trip. And they also had kept in touch while he was away. They truly felt fireworks and decided to spend lots of quality time to get to know each other now that they were both in Boulder. After several loooooong and intimate dates, Jim found out that she not only meets all 25 qualities on his Soulmate Treasure Map™ but she had even more that he didn’t know he wanted.

And just to be clear, we’re not saying she had qualities and interests like smart, hikes, loves travel - we’re talking she’s into fly-fishing, speaks fluent french, loves the ballet, meditates daily, around age 68, familiar with tantric sex, listens to hard rock, the list goes on. It’s a pretty random and specific jumble of ideals, right? He had told us he’d be happy if she had a hand full of them, but no, she meets ALL TWENTY FIVE!! Not only does he feel met on all levels, but they are wildly attracted to each other.

And then BAM! A few days ago we got an email of our favorite kind - the kind from a client telling us they’ve found their soulmate. Jim wrote:

“We have agreed to be a committed couple. She is indeed a perfect match for me, with the only minor negative as related to my Soulmate Treasure Map being that she doesn’t eat red meat. Needless to say, I’m ready to withdraw from all of my online dating accounts.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” After reading the email, we jumped up from our table, broke into a little celebratory dance and chest bumped in the kitchen. “This is why we fucking do what we DO!” Our bodies were flooded with feel-good neurotransmitters, our skin felt warm and flushed, our eyes got wider and brighter, our heartbeats increased, the impulse to stand was simply irresistible, and apparently the squeal and dance were too.

But what about you? Maybe take a sec to re-read the email. What’s your body’s response when you read this? What are the sensations? Any thoughts coming? We invite you to take a sec and jot a few notes [we’ll refer back to them soon].

Let’s tell you about Alexandra now. Alexandra reached out to us initially saying that she was ready to start “playing with relationships.” In other words, she wasn’t totally ready for a soulmate connection, but she was certainly ready for connection.

Over a few months, we worked with her on strengthening her intuition and her voice specifically in romantic relationships. And WOWZA! She has really harnessed the powerhouse within. She’s been totally open and willing to some new ways of being, got super clear on what she wanted, and claimed that she was ready. And BAM! Alexandra found the man who totally reflects the soulmate connection she envisioned..

She also wrote us a favorite kind of email:

I can't wait to fill you in! Bottom line, we both want to focus just on this relationship and what we can create together for now. Wow, wow, wow. I keep literally shaking my head because I am so surprised by him ... his mindfulness, his heart, his intellect, his tenderness, his adoration of me ... I love how he sees the world and approaches life! Our relationship has continued to grow and deepen in beautiful ways. There is something here that both of us have longed for, hoped for, but neither of us has ever experienced before. It is extraordinary. I told him I was coming to Boulder tomorrow. So, any interest in doing coffee with the two of us? Oh, and you can pull my online dating profiles!”

Needless to say, we had a similar response. Plus! We just LOVE being invited out with our new matches to share in their joy and get a sense of their connection in real time.

But what about you? Again, check in! What’s the body response when you read that? What are the movement impulses if any? Any thoughts or feelings coming? Take any notes that stand out.

OK - so now take a look at the notes you wrote from this email and the one before. When you read the words, what does the vibration feel like to you? You might use just a word or two to capture the essence, such as: “excited” “inspired” “constricted” “self-doubt”  “apathy” “checking out” “longing” “judgemental of them” “minimizing" “envy” [Check out this video about Envy to shift it right now].

Whatever it is - see if you can hold your response with love and compassion.

Having nonjudgmental awareness of wherever you’re at is the key to shifting the vibe when it feels like it’s a sticky point.

If you kinda struggle with hearing about others’ happiness and relationship success; you’re not alone, and it totally makes sense. I mean - they’ve got what you want, those fuckers! No, seriously, those feelings probably need a bit of holding and self-validation.

But here’s the deal - see if you can console yourself because you’re potentially missing out on an amazing opportunity of becoming a vibrational match to the partner of your dreams.

So, when someone tells you they’ve met their soulmate or you see “engaged” on someone’s facebook status or maybe you’re invited to yet another wedding… allow yourself to feel that AMAZING possibility of love.

Yeah, yeah, but it’s THEIR love, not mine - you might say. But we assure you - it IS yours. And the more couples around you, the more you know it’s happening, and the more you know it’s possible for YOU.

Here’s an assignment:

Over the next 30 days, we want you to ask 10 different couples [people you know, people you meet out-n-about, acquaintances, whoever!] and ask them how they met. Once the assignment is completed, you will have heard 20 different stories of how people have found love. The variety in the stories, the seeming randomness, unlikely circumstances, synchronicities, mishaps, all of it will likely offer you a hit of clarity that love is OF COURSE possible for you! And perhaps very, very soon!

How does it feel to ponder THAT?

We want to hear from you. Call us, email us or however you can reach out. Just like you might contact a business mentor, therapist or bodyworker for self care. The supposed stigma of asking for help in dating, intimacy and relationships is gone and being replaced with a loving care for self that can only attract the energy and type of partner that will reflect that.

As you've probably gathered from reading this - we now have 2 open spaces in our Soulmate Matchmaker program. It's for inspired people who are ridiculously ready to receive loving focus, conscious relationship skills and knowledge that will help claim your worthiness, and ultimately, the soulmate you desire.

Sound like you? Email us at soulmate@evolvedatinggurus.com to find out if you and we are a fit for each other, and let’s bust-a-move!