Ghosting. If you're in the dating world, maybe you've had it done to you. Hell, maybe you've done it to someone else. No judgement here - but let's talk about it for a sec.
In case you're like - "wait...are we talking about your house being haunted?" No. It's not that.
Ghosting is when you've been on a few dates, it's been going pretty well, and suddenly one person drops all communication. Abruptly. No explanation. Nothing. Poof! Gone!
I think the reasons for this phenomenon totally make sense. And it doesn't automatically mean the person's who's doing it is an asshole. But! If you're wanting to attract a conscious relationship - we've laid out some other options for ending it. Plus - if someone does it to you, we have a few suggestions for dealing.
Some of the main reasons for it:
- Online + Texting communication can make it really easy to kind of "forget" that there's a living, breathing being on the other end.
- It can be really scary to express our truth.
- Sometimes we feel protective of the other person's feelings.
- It literally takes no effort or time at all to do it.
What's another option when you're no longer interested?
Tell the person something specific + positive you've experienced about them. Use an "AND" followed by a statement that tells them how you feel around them [a feeling that describes why it doesn't feel like a match]. Thank them for their time + wish them well in your own way.
"I've really enjoyed your ability to stay in the moment and engage in intellectual conversation. And I notice that I don't feel like we have a playful chemistry together. Thanks for connecting with me. I wish that you find the perfect partner soon!"
We highly recommend doing this in person. But if you only figured out it wasn't a match AFTER the date, then the phone is totally fine. Texting would be probably the least ideal - but still OK, we think.
Now - if you're on the other end of it, here's some stuff to consider. These are steps if you've sent a few messages and a few days have passed with no response.
- Describe your experience of the connection
- State your interest
- Make a kind request [Do you want to hear from them? Is this your 'goodbye' as well?]
"I've experienced our time together as warm, engaged, and connected. I am interested in spending more time together. Would you please let me know your interest either way?"
If you get no response from that, it's time for self-care and moving forward.
- Treat yourself super gently. Speak to yourself like an ideal caretaker or friend might.
- Do some kind of mindfulness or self-regulating practice: breathing, yoga, meditation, dance, art, moving outdoors, whatever it is that makes you feel strong, alive, calm, and safe.
- We don't recommend reaching out to friends who will just bash the other person. That tends to be low vibe and just feeds the shitty feelings.
- Intend some compassion toward the person. Just simply thinking to yourself: Who knows what this person has experienced in their life to be this way. They are probably not conscious of it, and I am not here to fix it or fixate on it.
- Think about relationships where the communication is very clear. Notice what that feels like in your body to have that sense of trust. Look for little moments of that during the day. What we pay attention to grows. So if you attend to clear communication - you are sure to attract more of it in your future dates!
Do you have other ideas?
What have you done that's worked?
Post them on our facebook page and "like" it if you like it!
We wish you love!
Chris + Kendra