Evolve Dating Code

We wanted to create a dating code that clients we match, introduce or coach would pledge to follow in order to feel confident and secure in the the dating process. One that cuts through the shizz that makes dating suck. Where you can feel assured of dates with high integrity people of like mind because we will only set up introductions with others who also agree to the code.

So we came up with the code after collecting several years worth of feedback from conscious singles looking for love. The consensus of our community is a desire for a new standard in dating behavior based on mutual respect, trust, open-hearted communication, and gratitude... where each person sees and honors the light in one another.... where everyone agrees to a common code of conduct that treats the other’s heart with care.

This code is not a set of old-school rules, pick-up artist techniques, or manipulative tactics. Rather, each point comes directly from the hearts of our clients. If you don’t resonate with some/any part of the code - we have no judgement about that being bad or wrong; it’s just that you’re probably not a good match for our clients.

By agreeing to and following this code, you will be practicing integrity with your inner being/highest self. This ultimately builds a real sense of self-worth and confidence. As a bonus, your reputation as a singleton of divine character will proceed you.

If you are not a client feel free to adopt any of these speak to you and be a trend setter in your own dating life. We are sure it will feel better and the results will follow.  

 

I  _________[your name]_________ agree to:

  1. Commit to self-love, increasing my self-worth + knowing the value I offer to a relationship. A relationship that enhances your experience of being you in your already-wholeness will be much more satisfying than looking for someone to complete you.

  2. Be willing to look at + modify your biases, judgments, and preferences. Consider whether you have fixed ideas about your ideal partner in any of the following areas: age, appearance [e.g. body shape, height, hair color, eye color], ethnicity, relationship history [e.g. divorced, children], income, type of job or lack thereof, location, hobbies, abilities, the list goes on. What we resist persists. Own your shadow, and love will come easily to you.

  3. Be prompt with all communication. This is critical to building trust from the beginning and making the experience enjoyable for all. If you don’t have time to respond fully or are going to be late - at least send a quick text.

  4. Call + chat over the phone before you meet. There is so much to be learned by just hearing someone’s voice. Plus, with practice, it will begin to actually feel comforting + sweet to make this kind of connection before meeting [if it doesn’t already].

  5. Go dutch on the first date. We encourage no-cost first dates because that usually means getting creative and doing something that is movement-oriented. But should you be inspired to something that involves cost, please pay for yourself. Even if you don’t, EDG values gender equality. if you decide on a second date, talk about this topic, and tell them what feels good to you. There's no right or wrong here... just consciousness + direct communication.

  6. Get into alignment before every date. Alignment means getting present to your inner guidance, being in a receptive state, and feeling appreciation. Getting into alignment is like setting an intention to have a grateful, joyful energy about you during and upon leaving the date. And bonus - even if you're not a fit for each other, word will spread.

  7. Be willing to have real conversations. Speaking sincerely + vulnerably can be difficult because you don’t know where it’s going, and it requires deep listening + deep sharing in order to occur. If you take off your mask, it invites the other to do the same. In this way, you can be a champion for each other’s inner growth + well-being.

  8. Focus on positive aspects rather than looking for red flags. If something you identify as a red flag comes up - ask more about it. Deliberately put your attention on at least one thing that is satisfying about your experience on a date - this might be nice to share at the end with your date.

  9. Only do things that feel good to me. This prevents looking at the time, energy, and money you spend on a date as investments in the person. “Investments” will make you feel resentful, ashamed, used, and/or empty if the relationship doesn’t work out.

  10. Bring a new level of consciousness to my decisions about seeing someone again.

  • When I’m a full-body YES about connecting more - I’ll be clear and direct! Forget any rules about waiting three days. Tell them before the date ends.
  • When I’m a MAYBE - I’ll hang out with them at least a second time. Sparks don’t always fly the first time you meet and the bond may develop once the first date jitters have quieted.
  • When I’m a definite NO - I’ll communicate about it in person or on the phone. Texting + ghosting [disappearing from contact suddenly] happen all too often. You deserve this courtesy - so please extend that to others.
  • When I’m a definite NO because of a red flag or some other judgment about them and I generally felt really good with the person, I’ll consider going out with them at least one more time. Feeling really good means you may have felt generally comfortable, happy, easy, playful, deep, or real with the person. But if you find one or two things like their appearance, a comment, their job, or something that else you identify as a red flag or dealbreaker - be willing to spend more time with them. We like to say: When in doubt, still go out.

Evolve Dating Suggestions

This list is separate from the code, so following them is not required. However, these again are based off of our experience with helping people create successful, long-term relationships; so we highly encourage you to consider trying them out.

  1. Learn how to enjoy dating and make it fun. Feeling jaded and resentful toward the process will leak through and a person you’re on a date might pick up on a more negative vibe in you than you typically have outside the dating context. Bring a willingness to reframe your experience with the whole dating process.

  2. Make a Dating Wish List. Include things you’ve wanted to try, places you’ve wanted to go, restaurants, meals, activities, hobbies, etc. This is about being willing to try new methods and mix up your routine [e.g. if you only do online dating - try interacting with others in person; if you typically go to bars to meet people - try a meetup; if you’re mostly going to restaurants or cafes for first dates - try a nature walk].

  3. Consider being clear-minded and embodied on dates. While our clients do not have to have a completely sober lifestyle, we highly encourage avoiding mind-altering substances on a first date. Being as clear, mindful, embodied, and yourself as much as possible is important when you’re getting to know someone [and long-term].

  4. Meet with someone for at least one hour. From our research, it takes at least an hour to settle in, for our nervous systems to attune to one another, and to get a fuller picture of someone’s personality beyond physical attraction and snap judgements.

  5. Show genuine interest, curiosity, and that you care. Read the person’s profile through the eyes of your heart before the date so that you can ask deeper questions and show that you’ve taken the time already to get to know them in what they’ve taken the time to write.

  6. Emphasize a sense of relating as opposed to interviewing. Relating happens when you allow yourself to be impacted by what another person says on a feeling level. Relating happens when you expand upon what the other person shares in a way that reveals more about both of you. You may also find common ground and shared experience, but make sure you fully listen to them rather than always coming up with a "me too" story. Relating is inclusive. Interviewing is exclusive.

  7. Commit to creating balance in your conversations. Focus on getting a well-rounded sense of one another. When we get unbalanced [like only ending up talking about one subject or only one person doing most of the talking], we can leave the interaction feeling unsatisfied or like something was missing from the other person. In reality - It may have just been that the conversation did not give the space needed for both to express other sides of themselves.

  8. Be slow and conscious when it comes to sex. We recommend not having sex on the first date. In addition and more importantly - when sex is feeling like the next empowered step, have a conversation about it. Especially be direct about STI’s, the last time your were both tested, protection and birth control. Consider the many, many other ways to incrementally build physical intimacy in the beginning stages of getting to know each other.

  9. Approach and leave each date with the attitude something can be learned from everyone. That knowledge and experience will ultimately reveal what you truly want in a partner while creating an energy of respect that leads to better times for all.

  10. Be mindful of how you speak about people you've dated. Own your judgements. Use discretion when sharing details about a person to others. Be loving!