I am now a dating coach and matchmaker, but it wasn't always that way; I actually started out as a psychotherapist and before that, I was a personal trainer. As a therapist and trainer, I worked with many single clients who I came to know quite well after some time and was always thinking things like, "Man, I know someone who'd be perfect for my client!" or "I wish it was appropriate for me to help my client with their online dating profile!" Every time with my single clients, some portion of the session would be devoted to talking about the latest dating situation: Either they went on a horrible date, went on an amazing date, decided to write off dating altogether, or just expressed their deep confusion about modern dating.
My eyes slowly peel open into a blurred version of a room. Turning my head on the pillow as quietly as possible, I face towards...Fuck! Who’s that? I scrunch up my face in partial disgust but also in my efforting to dig through a substance soggy mind for literally any images of the night before. Nothing. Verrrrry sloooooowly and carefully, I slip out from the covers and look down. Shit. I’m naked. That was me a few years ago in my pre-conscious life as a not so spiritual single. Yep, there were times when I really didn’t know if I had sex. I was on something literally every single day at that point: food, alcohol, drugs, men.
he question: “Should the man pay?” is like a fat, juicy pimple. As soon as it’s popped, it’s a shit show of a mess with no satisfaction. It’s a question where all kinds of people show up and wave their opinion flag whether they’re a chivalrous type, a know-it-all, a feminist, misogynist, traditionalist, or a supposed conscious couple, like us!
We are writing this in response to the many articles out there that give a black and white answer to this question that’s at least 51 shades of gray. We feel disheartened by the lack of guidance towards cultivating inner wisdom. And so here we are - writing something for men and women to consider in order to come to their own answer.
This is a very common question we get asked. The story goes, I am tired of spending my time and effort getting to know someone only for it to not work out and having to start all over again. Can you help me fix this, because I am over it?
Now we could give you some of the typical dating advice answers out there on how to determine if your person is the right one for you, or how to avoid the losers but that’s not what this article is about.
To truly change the feeling of dating being a waste of time or an exercise in pain you need to change your attitude about it. Conscious, Smart, Sexy people listen up. We invite you to challenge the idea of investing in love as if it is a commodity. Like it’s a business transaction with a guaranteed outcome. If you want to attract your soulmate and grow the relationship so that it's built to last then your beliefs might need a little upgrade.
There’s all kinds of gender and sex-informed rules for dating - and if you’re still following them, you may be single because of it. Even if you don’t think you’re still following them because you’re in “conscious” community - you might be...unconsciously. Below are some partial descriptions of some of the people we’ve worked with over the years in our dating coaching and matchmaking business. Here’s a quick pop quiz for you: Go through the descriptions and guess the person’s gender and sex as quickly as you can. Make sure that you cover up the Gender/Sex column.
So I am laying on my sofa relaxing after a full on active day and the phone rings. It is not a number I recognize but my whole body says answer it, so I do. The voice asks is this the help line? Curiously ,instead of saying no you have the wrong number I ask what kind of help is he looking for? He says he had something happen last night and he needs to talk about it because he can't stop thinking about it. Instead of getting the university's help line like the caller thought, somehow he got me.
In a strange twist the universe decided to connect Stephen with me Chris DeCicco a dating coach, and relationship and intimacy guide, who happens to be an lgbt advocate and a being who the fuck you are kinda guy. I had to laugh at the irony of it.
With a lifetime of conditioning, people-pleasing, and trying to be liked, one day I realized you have to be yourself when dating to attract Mr. Right. So many people begin to ask "who am I?" especially in the dating world because you gotta answer that question in so many ways - by filling out your online dating profile, during typical getting-to-know-you conversation, and as you're trying to determine if who you think you are is a good match for whom you think is the person across from you. Being ourselves has become a lost art in a world where it seems like being someone else is the only way to get ahead. But I promise you, that’s only what it seems because in the long run being someone else always has negative consequences.
It happened so easily I didn’t even realize it. All the constant messages and demands that life and our culture give us helps create this uneasiness. I see how I am a willing participant in this creation. The feeling that I am always behind, trying to catch up to someone or something. The feeling that if I do a little more, get to that next level, lose that weight, earn that raise etc I will finally get to that place I really want. That place where I can relax, be at peace, feel ready to love and be lovable. You know the feeling? This discomfort shows up in many ways. It shows up in how I see you. It shows up in the way I use my words to push you away. How I secretly or subconsciously tell myself that I am better than this or that. Wait until I reach that mountain top then I’ll show you. My protection shields are up for sure. Just to keep out the feelings of this discomfort.
L. O. V. E. Find true love, the Boulder way. The Soulmate Matchmakers take the guesswork out of dating. Evolve Dating Gurus Chris Decicco and Kendra Seoane are powerhouses of joy who “serve conscious-heart centered-willing people who want real connection that lasts.” Kendra and Chris have a unique method for helping people cultivate their own authentic confidence and build sustainable relationships. Find your true love – have a listen by clicking the link below.
Did you hear about Casey and Nancy? They’ve updated their relationship status on facebook and deactivated their Tinder accounts! As your friend starts to elaborate on yet another friend that’s found love, what is the feeling that comes over you? Your response to others getting hitched can be an important indicator of your vibration relative to finding your own match.
Read to the bottom because we’re gonna give you two quick quizzes and a practice that could have you announcing your newfound love to all your friends.
Ghosting. If you're in the dating world, maybe you've had it done to you. Hell, maybe you've done it to someone else. No judgement here - but let's talk about it for a sec.
In case you're like - "wait...are we talking about your house being haunted?" No. It's not that.
Ghosting is when you've been on a few dates, it's been going pretty well, and suddenly one person drops all communication. Abruptly. No explanation. Nothing. Poof! Gone!
I think the reasons for this phenomenon totally make sense. And it doesn't automatically mean the person's who's doing it is an asshole. But! If you're wanting to attract a conscious relationship - we've laid out some other options for ending it. Plus - if someone does it to you, we have a few suggestions for dealing.
For the last few weeks, Chris and I have been volunteering at the Denver Women’s Correctional facility along with our amazing mentors at Turning the Wheel. On the ride there the first night, I was told, “Make sure to be polite. We’re going to be dealing with policemen, so we need to just follow instructions, be polite, say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’” I thought to myself: Yeah, of course. I don’t need the reminder.
Then I'm told that DWCF has the highest rate of reported staff sexual assault. Immediately my rebel was like: Oh, if ANY of those cops so much as give me a LOOK, I swear! But then I was like: No, no. Take a breath. There is no way for me to know who has done what. Put your attention on the group we're serving - not the cops. And then my mind started playing out scenarios - very unlikely scenarios - like me finding out the cops who do this and somehow rescuing all the people who have been affected.
Shit. I don’t think I’m ready for this just yet.
Check out the new article in the Elephant Journal a fantastic international blog that we love. Here is snippet of the article here:
Dating is supposed to be fun!
Meeting up with someone new, going to a cool spot, seeing if we click, maybe finding love. It sounds awesome (cue cartoon “wah-wah” sound here).
So, why isn’t it?
According to our research, the top reasons are:
- Confusion and worry about what dating means and how our date perceives us
- Anxiety about needing to find a soulmate
- Relying on meeting people online
- Taking it too seriously
Today marks one of the most important days of my life...the second anniversary of when I met him. Just before that day, I had read a post on facebook by him that was asking whether people thought that making out at a snuggle party was sexual or not.
My immediate reaction was: “EW! What a CREEP!”
He was one of those people with whom I was “friends” on facebook, but really didn’t know why other than some mutual friends.
Later in the week on the Solstice 2013, I’m on Gold Hill with a few real life friends at an Ecstatic Dance event. After a few hours of dancing, it was pretty much time to go, so I took one last flailing twirl of my body [if you’ve seen me dance, you probably know the move]...and BAM! Danced right into the chest of a big tree-bear-man person.
Do you kinda dread being asked about your relationship status over the holidays? Well, right now is a great time to start coming into a new story about being single before the family and friends descend upon your yuletide glee. These are just a few things you can consider trying out - though, they might piss you off a little too.
We each wrote about Arise from our own perspectives...
I’m not gonna lie: When I looked at the lineup for Arise Music Festival, I felt pretty “on the fence.” But once Chris and I decided to offer coaching sessions throughout the weekend, I got excited about the prospect and aligned with the decision to go. I was fully expecting ease, fun, and magic. Holy shit was I right!
Arise is not just a music festival. It’s got a heart beat. You can feel it in the music, in the workshop tents, throughout the vendor lane, amongst the crowd, and within each individual.
Just yesterday, we were saying to each other. How do we encapsulate our perspective of knowing our one-ness and honoring our unique-ness when it comes to dating? A view that is a liiiiiittle different from many of the other mainstream dating experts that promote things like:
- How to get into a woman’s mind
- Here are the 7 crucial rules to know about dating men
- The main things men look for in a woman
- Signs that a woman is not interested
These headlines say that all men are a certain way and all women are a certain way. Learn their secrets and follow this set of rules in order to get their love.
Well, frankly, we think that’s a crock o’ shit.
Last night was an awesome celebration of love and human connection.
We hosted a snuggle party and viewing of the movie " Cuddle- The Documentary " of which Kendra and I have central roles. We had 28 people all cozied up on a cold winter's night. I want to thank you Jason O'Brien for making the movie and all your hard work , Sasha for co-hosting and everyone who supported us and yourselves by attending. I hope the movie changes hearts and minds as to the importance of more loving non-sexual touch.
It is a very personal glimpse into a period of my life that has transformed me in positive ways seen and unseen. My ability to recognize love within myself and to receive, give , attract and spread more love with compassion without fear or judgement. I am forever grateful.
ust as a preface: After a recent and yes, belated obsession with "Breaking Bad" - Chris decided to dress as Walt, so for me, it was either blue meth or Skyler. When I realized that dressing as blue meth would take finding a clear trash bag and some kind of blue and white cubes to wrap all around me, I felt like stuffing my chest with 14 pairs of socks and rolling up a down jacket for my belly would make a super easy, pregnant Skyler. Chris took a picture of me before going to a Halloween party, saying "We have big news." Here it is again...
Thanks for stopping by . We hope to provide you with the latest evolving trends, research, ideas and advice we can to help make your dating and love life a source of fun, growth and pleasure. Check back here often for interviews, articles, and updates from our events and information we have found to be helpful in supporting our community in spreading more love.Please let us know what you want be it specific articles, advice, or types of events and we will do our best to provide you the value you seek.
With Evermore Love
Chris + Kendra